I subscribe to Martha Stewart’s Living magazine to make me feel better about myself. While most of my friends complain that Martha makes them feel inferior. I argue that she makes me feel superior. I have no desire to hand sew coin purses for Mother’s Day gifts. I don’t see a reason to make vanilla extract from scratch. And that white living room with magenta accents wouldn’t last a day with my black Labrador Retriever.
Yep, Martha makes me feel like I’m living easy. And the most magnanimous example of her generosity is her monthly calendar. Martha’s calendar, my favorite section, is the page where she shares her personal “gentle reminders, helpful tips, and important dates.”
On June 2, she plans on “prepping guest rooms for summer visitors.” Ha! No guest rooms here. I guess I’ll spend the day with a lemonade and a beach chair.
On June 3, she plans on “planting agaves in garden urns.” I have no garden urns. Nor am I sure I would recognize an agave in a pot. My June 3 will be so much more relaxing. On my calendar? “Cut your son’s toenails.”
On June 16, she has a book signing in the Hamptons. All I have to do on June 16 is to defrost the old steak in the back of the freezer for a Sunday Father’s Day lunch. (Nothing says “we love dad” like a little crystallization.)
The rest of her month is consistently exhausting. “Plant second crop of beet and spinach seeds.” (We wouldn’t even be interested in a first beet crop.) “Sharpen knives and scissors.” (But isn’t a dull knife safer in the hands of a child?) “Mow fields.” (For a few bucks and a cold beer, I’ve got friends who do my lawn mowing.) “Feed roses.” (What exactly does one feed a rose?)
God bless Martha. While she’s spending the month of June “organizing her potting supplies,” I’m throwing a store-bought tomato plant on my patio and calling it a day. I can’t imagine how she does it all. But I guess someone has to live the hard life 😉
(Photo by Slaven Vlasic/Getty Images for Advertising Week New York)