Flawed, and sorry

  • I’m sorry that I placed your dollar store present in a designer box to make it look more expensive.
  • I’m sorry that I wore bikini bottoms to work as underwear instead of doing my laundry.
  • I’m sorry that I displayed that picture in my bathroom where I personally look good, while everyone else looks awful.
  • I’m sorry that I took an extra free donut sample when the clerk turned his back.
  • I’m sorry that I actually don’t know what the heck you’re talking about, but I’m pretending like I do.
  • I’m sorry that I brought my own Swedish Fish to the movie theater.
  • I’m sorry that I left the package of marshmallows I no longer wanted in the milk/cheese aisle.
  • I’m sorry that I stopped at the drugstore to “sample” lipstick before my reunion, instead of just buying a tube.
  • I’m sorry for taking a few too many bites of the kids’ mac and cheese instead of eating the grown-up food.
  • I’m sorry for taking a dip in your town lake, even though I don’t have the correct club sticker.
  • I’m sorry that I have never contributed to a NPR pledge drive, but I listen to it religiously.
  • I’m sorry that I hide the fancy wine before you spend the night at my house.
  • I’m sorry that I was late to your party because I wanted to be.
  • I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.

I’ll try harder.

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